Why You are the Most Important Person in the World

Before takeoff, airline flight attendants direct passengers to put on their own oxygen mask before helping anyone else in the case of an emergency. My motherly instincts tell me to put children before myself; I would rather suffocate than have a child next to me run out of air. Logic tells me, though, that if I pass out from lack of oxygen, I will be unable to help anyone else.

Sacrifice is noble in the right context, while selfishness oversteps respect for others. Self-care lies on the spectrum between these two extremes, but I think it is often pigeonholed into either trait.

In the past, I felt selfish for saying “no,” but drained and under-appreciated for saying “yes” when I didn’t want to. I have started to get over this.

After Dominic was born, I hid in my house for about two weeks. I became a fly on the wall on Facebook, ignored text messages and phone calls, and only showed my face around the neighborhood on brief walks with Neil and the dogs. I needed that time for myself, to get used to being a birthmother.

“Boundaries,” a book by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, explains why self-care is so important. I especially like this quote:

Don’t confuse…self-absorption with a God-given sense of taking responsibility for one’s own needs first so that one is able to love others: ‘Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others’ (Phil. 2:4). God wants us to take care of ourselves so that we can help others without moving into a crisis ourselves.”

In that hypothetical moment when the oxygen masks drop down from the above compartment, you become the most important person in the world. You need oxygen, and the solution is right in front of you. Assuming you are an able-bodied adult, you have the ability to grab that life-saving mask and put it on. Nothing and no one is more important.

Once the mask is on you will be able to help anyone next to you. But if you don’t first take care of your own needs, you cannot take care of others’ needs.

I used to think my purpose in life was to care for others. I believed my role was to give pieces of myself until I had nothing left. Reading the Golden Rule, I honed in on “love thy neighbor” and glossed over “as thyself.”

When crisis hit and I was pregnant, I found myself finally reaching for that oxygen mask.

In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection,” shame researcher Brené Brown writes:

Loving and accepting ourselves are the ultimate acts of courage. In a society that says, ‘Put yourself last,’ self-love and self-acceptance are almost revolutionary.”

Only with courage am I able to admit that placing Dominic was just as much about taking care of myself as it was about taking care of him. With that choice, I feel an obligation to continue caring for myself. If I squander my “second chance,” if you will, to be emotionally healthier than when he was born, I will have given him in vain.

You, birthmothers, sacrificed a life caring for your child or children, and — whether inadvertently or purposefully — provided yourself with an opportunity to practice self-care. You are the most important person in the world because you need to be right now.

 

What do you think about Brené Brown’s statement that society says, “Put yourself last?” Do you think you give in to this, or are you able to put yourself first when you need to? How do you think this relates to being a birthmother? Share your thoughts in the comment box below.