Model portrayed. Photo cropped.
Among birthmothers, it is generally understood that the first year after placement is the hardest. My first year comes to a close this month and I am really struggling.
Other birthmothers have told me, “It gets easier.” But for now, it doesn’t feel that way. I admit this not because I crave pity or coddling; rather, I wish to share my journey and hopefully validate others who are experiencing the same.
Leslie Foge and Gail Mosconi outlined a recovery timeline in their book “The Third Choice.” The timeline is meant only as a guide, the authors state, but they list these four things to expect at the one-year mark:
“The baby’s first birthday — you remember all you’ve been through. You may feel anger, sadness, regret and/or depression with a severity you hadn’t expected. You are aware that you will never be the same. You are starting to get your life back and think about the future — your future.” [excerpted]
I started thinking about my future much earlier in my first year, which is one reason why I started this blog in January. This month, though, I am having a hard time pursuing it. Instead I’m experiencing grief with a severity I hadn’t expected.
As a result, I’ve decided to suspend my blog posts through the end of May. I will resume posting on June 7, with new posts only on Tuesdays. I hope that by posting just once a week, I will be able to focus on other areas of the blog, such as creating the Resources page I promised.
In the meantime, I will be seeking peace.
May God continue to bless you Emily.
Thanks, Uncle Jerry.
Hugs friend. There are no words. Just hugs and love your way
Hugs felt…thank you!
It is always a good thing when we take care of ourselves. Be gentle with yourself Emily.
Anke
Thank you, Anke.
After 18 years of being a birthmother, thank you for providing a voice for me.
Thank you, Amanda.
It’s been 33 years for me. I still think about her every year on her birthday and wonder how she’s doing and…do I have grandchildren out there somewhere? I was also adopted as a baby. Being adopted, I think, made it a little easier to decide on adoption. I’m sure it didn’t make the process any easier but I didn’t doubt my decision. Of course, not doubting doesn’t make the whole thing any easier either. But…things do get easier! I think some of that happened for me once I brought the kids home that I got to raise myself 🙂
Even after 33 years (+ a few months), I hope Joy will track me down and find me one day.
Thanks for sharing some of your journey, Diane. I hope you and Joy will be reunited one day!