Guilt is crazy in two ways: First, Guilt uses peer pressure to ask why you’re still grieving so hard after “X” amount of time. Second, Guilt shows up on your doorstep when you’re having a good day because you neglected to mourn. There’s no winning. Usually, my days are long stretches of empty hours spent […]
guilt
How Regret Can Be Divisive
One of the recurring themes of being a birthmother is regret. The topic has surfaced in many of my conversations with birthmothers. Some of them regret their decision to place, while others regret the way in which the placement was handled or certain details about the adoption. Still other birthmothers, like three of the women […]
‘Moving On’ Without ‘Getting Over It’
“When are you going to get over it?” These hurtful words are spoken to many birthmothers, who I’ve heard lamenting the questioner’s lack of empathy and compassion. The one who asks the question may be well-intentioned, trying to motivate the birthmother to move through her grief and depression after placement. (Or they are just being […]