One of the recurring themes of being a birthmother is regret. The topic has surfaced in many of my conversations with birthmothers. Some of them regret their decision to place, while others regret the way in which the placement was handled or certain details about the adoption. Still other birthmothers, like three of the women […]
Brene Brown
11 Best Quotes for Healing Birthmothers
The decision to place a child for adoption is made in 9 months or less, but the consequences last a lifetime. I am still at the tip of the iceberg in my adoption journey, with Dominic being only 14 months old. But in this short time, I’ve met so many inspiring women, families, and adoption […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part Two
Author’s note: This is the conclusion to a two-part series on finding peace. The first part was published last week and can be read here. The word “peace” is often used to describe stillness, resolution, or a time absent of war. Parents (of children or animals) long for “peace and quiet,” while somewhere a […]
Why Authenticity is Worth the Risk
When I am presented with a difficult question, my answer choices generally boil down to lying or telling truth, though perhaps only a version of it. The most difficult question I face is, “Do you have children?” This query forces me to consider whether I will identify as a birthmother. In this situation, not only […]
How to Conquer Adoption-Related Xenophobia
When we perceive a threat, our natural reaction is to defend ourselves with our fight, flight or freeze response system. Sometimes a perceived threat is not a true threat. Xenophobia is defined as “an unreasonable fear or hatred of…that which is foreign or strange.” Foreign ideas or differing lifestyles may cause us to feel defensive. But […]
Vulnerability Sprouts New Growth
Springtime in Southern California comes early. In our little mountain town, buds formed on the trees in February while daffodils pushed through the soil and have recently bloomed. Despite a few frosts and even snowfalls since the signs of spring arrived, the hills remain green and some neighbors have re-begun watering their lawns in anticipation […]
Why I Struggle with My Motherhood
“Am I a mother?” The answer might seem apparent at first. But I have asked this question many times, and I’ve heard other birthmoms ask, too. The website “Your Dictionary” offers this definition of motherhood: “Motherhood is the state or experience of having and raising a child.” I think the dictionary definition would be more accurate […]
Why You are the Most Important Person in the World
Before takeoff, airline flight attendants direct passengers to put on their own oxygen mask before helping anyone else in the case of an emergency. My motherly instincts tell me to put children before myself; I would rather suffocate than have a child next to me run out of air. Logic tells me, though, that if […]
How Speaking Shame Defeats its Power
Keeping a diary is a favorite pastime of mine. As a pre-teen, I wrote my most secret of secrets in a journal with a lock. I kept the key hidden in my jewelry box; but that didn’t matter once my brother figured out how to pick the lock. One reason I feel motivated to keep […]