Every day since Dominic was born, I find myself waiting. I wait for a phone call from Marie. I wait for her to post new pictures to our shared Google Drive folder. I wait for the tears and pain to pass. I wait for the clock to tick away the minutes until my next visit. […]
birthmother
How Speaking Shame Defeats its Power
Keeping a diary is a favorite pastime of mine. As a pre-teen, I wrote my most secret of secrets in a journal with a lock. I kept the key hidden in my jewelry box; but that didn’t matter once my brother figured out how to pick the lock. One reason I feel motivated to keep […]
Why I ‘Gave,’ Not ‘Placed,’ My Child
Use of language is highly specific to context. In the realm of adoption, professionals and birthmothers alike seem to have a particular preference when referring to the act of adoption, describing it as a “placement.” Being new to the adoption world, I have struggled to use “correct” terminology out of ignorance, not insensitivity. I am […]
The Adoption Inquisition
“Didn’t you have a baby?” I was at the gym. A girl who knows both me and my baby’s father spotted me and said hello. Then she immediately pounced on the subject of my pregnancy. “Well, yes.” I hesitated before mumbling, “I decided to give him for adoption.” “Oh, Emily! I’m so sorry! If you […]
Unplanned Pleasantries
As a little girl, I had big dreams. I wanted to be a college graduate, a wife, a mother. I’ve achieved these dreams, but not in the way my little girl imagination had laid it out. In the perfect world inside my head, I thought I would go to college, find a husband, start a […]
An Alternative to the ‘Fight or Flight’ Response
Picture yourself walking through the woods. The tree leaves dance in the sunshine, the moss is a thick carpet under your feet, the air feels fresh and clean. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice something move. Then it stands up. Whirling around, you spot a giant black bear, less than a hundred […]