Author’s note: This is the conclusion to a two-part series on finding peace. The first part was published last week and can be read here. The word “peace” is often used to describe stillness, resolution, or a time absent of war. Parents (of children or animals) long for “peace and quiet,” while somewhere a […]
grief
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part One
Author’s note: This is the first in a two-part series on finding peace. The conclusion will be published next week. Two weeks ago, a large wildfire raged about 60 miles north of where I live. The fire began on the outskirts of the little town of Lake Isabella and spread quickly. Officials ordered evacuations […]
Getting Through the Bad Days
Time warps under the weight of depression. It stretches and twists until I can no longer judge whether I have been sitting still for five minutes, five hours or five days. Another week passes and I wonder what’s eaten the time, yet each second I watch the clock with a desperate eye. “Bad days” are […]
Five Things I Wish I’d Known When I Chose Adoption
Everyone needs to make big decisions at some point, like what to do after high school, when and who to marry, where to live, and so on. One of my most significant decisions was whether to choose adoption for Dominic. As with any choice, unknowns swarmed my decision-making vision. Research quickly changed my view of […]
How I’m Swimming Out of the Rip Tide of Suffering
Living in California means I have relatively easy access to renowned beaches. I say “relatively” because although the beaches are close when you count the miles, L.A. traffic makes the trip a bit more of a trek. I don’t lounge on the sandy shores often, but in the past month I’ve gone twice. Besides sharks, […]
Being a Birthmother Again and Forever
Common human experiences create communities, cultures, friends, families and other groups of people. A camaraderie forms between those who go together through things like high school graduation, playing on a sports team, attending church, an unexpected death or tragedy, or another bond-forming event or activity. Parenthood is one of the most universal denominators among adults. […]
The End of the First Year
Among birthmothers, it is generally understood that the first year after placement is the hardest. My first year comes to a close this month and I am really struggling. Other birthmothers have told me, “It gets easier.” But for now, it doesn’t feel that way. I admit this not because I crave pity or coddling; […]
When Memories Arise from Everyday Living
This week I was bitten by a dog. I won’t go into the specifics, so suffice to say, it really hurt. As I wailed on the floor of my house with a towel wrapped around my injured arm, I immediately thought, “Why am I crying? This doesn’t hurt nearly as much as giving birth!” That […]
‘Moving On’ Without ‘Getting Over It’
“When are you going to get over it?” These hurtful words are spoken to many birthmothers, who I’ve heard lamenting the questioner’s lack of empathy and compassion. The one who asks the question may be well-intentioned, trying to motivate the birthmother to move through her grief and depression after placement. (Or they are just being […]
The Adoption Inquisition
“Didn’t you have a baby?” I was at the gym. A girl who knows both me and my baby’s father spotted me and said hello. Then she immediately pounced on the subject of my pregnancy. “Well, yes.” I hesitated before mumbling, “I decided to give him for adoption.” “Oh, Emily! I’m so sorry! If you […]